I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
