WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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