she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
