Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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