oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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