He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
