just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
