I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
