U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
