I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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