home. puking in laundry basket.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
