I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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