evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize