I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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