I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
