i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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