he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
