I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I want a musical about memes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
