well I can't set my house on fire every night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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