Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize