the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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