she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
