Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
