I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
