I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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