Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
