guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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