i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
someone get that fucking seahorse.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
