addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
