just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
