you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize