If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
