She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
