Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
