I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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