Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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