Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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