Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
