i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
