I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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