god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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