Screwed.edu
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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