I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
