I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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