chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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