Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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