did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
