We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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