i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
