I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
