Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
