guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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