So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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