words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize