So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
