i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
