He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
