and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
