I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
