my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
