Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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