I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
