I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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